Call Me By Your Name

Twenty ways to have your peach and eat it too.

1) Swim in all the lakes, preferably naked and with ancient statues.

2) Explore which, if any, part of your genitals fit into various stone fruits. Experience penis envy for the very first time.

3) Become a child prodigy but not one of those try-hard ones.

4) Cause Louis Garrel’s sister unbearable suffering. Be forgiven instantly and completely. Obtain her lifelong devotion.

5) Steal Louis Garrel’s sister’s romper, wear it on a picnic.

6) Become a connoisseur of Italo-wave disco.

7) Attend every social function wearing a pair of Ray Bans, teal swim trunks and a Talking Heads shirt. Make this seem effortless and cool.

8) Enlist the help of your mother to ensure that Armie Hammer chaperones your next sex vacation.

9) Vibe with your dad about how the greatest love of all is the love that exists between you and Armie Hammer.


10) Generally train your parents to become skilled and discreet wingmen in your quixotic quest to bone brainy blond mansplainers.

11) Hire a loving servant to crack open your soft-boiled eggs for you.

12) Make apricot juice happen.

13) Escape by bike from a gaggle of lovestruck Italian teenagers.

14) Invest in a nice open fireplace to sob before picturesquely.

15) Learn to pout becomingly in three different languages.

16)Make a vanilla rendition of a Bach prelude your most powerful seduction tool.

17) Wear your beloved’s bathing suit on your head just because.

18) Greet your mother with a sensuous kiss on the neck, but in a way that’s totes normal.

19) Start every sexual encounter by climbing your lover like a big, preppy tree.

20) Always insist on “Love My Way.”

@spieland
Artwork by Carolina Spielmann @spieland

Text by Sadie Nachtigal @sajenightingale, images by Caroline Spielmann @spieland

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